Look, I haven't got the first clue about how this 'blogging' phenomenon is supposed to work, but in the interest of not having spent the ENTIRETY of my Australia Day holiday mewing about in the emotional complexities of 90's emo ballads and re-watching Clueless with alternate foreign language options, I'm willing to give it a red hot burn. Lemme know when I'm getting warm.

So, let's put it straight out there. Tranquilize and dissect the shit out of that elephant in the room.  Madeline Zima's tits. Yes, I'm SO TOTALLY 2007 but that flawless chronology fits neatly with the last time I left my house, so you can understand my surprise when, praise be to Blockbuster Video and the goddess of lactation, MZ's role in Californication was of a manipulating, trixie li'l bra buster out for blood and Mulder's bitemarks. Oh, can those coquettish eyelash acrobatics for now, I bet you still look good in a school uniform.

Also yesterday at the gym a wasp chased me. CHASED ME. In through the window,  where I was cartoonishly running from it on a treadmill. Wyle E Coyote looked over from his bench press and was embarassed on my behalf. But seriously, hate flying insects. They always make a beeline for me (oh stop).

P.s. happy Australia Day jerks.

A couple of days ago, I had an attack of low self-esteem and deleted all two of my wild blog-badger footprints. I don't regret turfing the photos, as in both of them I resembled a drunk old hag with a fetish for exfoliating in jellyfish venom, but now of course Mother Hubbard's Motherboard is bare. And so the lovely Selise comes to my rescue yet again, by tagging me in the 7 Facts meme.



1. According to Numerology - well, more accurately, according to the blisteringly mental German naturopath with whom I must unfortunately share workspace 4 times a week - my birthdate summation is blessed with bundles of 7's. This means I am witty, opportunistic, and a rat who rides an Ox across a river. Or something.

2. I don't eat shop-bought ice-creams because the very IDEA of accidentally licking the wooden stick makes me recoil in the kind of spasmic tongue protrusions that would have exorcists reaching for their Bibles, Australia's Funniest Home Videos reaching for the CCTV footage and Gene Simmons reaching for his ruler.

3. I have never been in a relationship, and only this year has it occurred to me that I'm really 100% happy with that.

4. I went into teaching BEFORE deciding I liked children. Check out that cheeky serendipity.

5. At least three times a year, people come up to me and brush my nose. Mac is yet to create a concealer that disguises freckles the size of Judy Dench's bustle collection.

6. I haven't won a game of Scrabble since I got Scrabble tiles tattooed on my leg. A warning to the impulsive.

7. I am guaranteed to love a film that features drugs and Nazis, but detest a town which is full of the same. (H8 U Maryborough).

xo